Im not sure if this is a love letter to my 20s or a Dear John letter to my 20s...but its my truth..and thats that.

Dear 20s,

We have had some wild and crazy times.  I turned 20 in undergrad....and Im turning 30 in law school - I vow to not be back in school for 40-haha.  Well I really dont know where to start.... I think the highlight of my 20s [and really my life in general] is my ability to identify, attract, and maintain great friends & friendships.  I have taken more from my friends in this decade than i could ever give to them.  This probably reads untrue to them, because Im not one to ask for much, but what they have given me is something intangible and priceless. I am quite notorious for both my trust issues and my anti-emo-ness. I can honestly say when I turned 20, I probably trusted no one..besides my mom..and even the most reliable person I knew, I managed to find a way to muster doubt occasionally.  That has definitely change.  I will not say I am absolved of my trust issues- I actually dont want to be fully absolved of them, however, I have learned that just because you can not and should not trust EVERYBODY does not mean that you can not and should not trust ANYBODY. Nobody is perfect [self included] and in learning that people will make mistakes regardless of their intentions, it helped me reshape how I went about trust.  The people that I do trust [the few] I trust them to be them.  I know them well enough to know when something is wrong, when something is an accident and when something is out of line.  I dont trust them to be perfect, because that is unfair-I do trust them to make every effort to be a better friend this time then they were the last time and really at the end of the day--if they are the person you think, such will be the case.  You will constantly find yourself awed at how this person came thru for you or how this person was right on time with something you didnt even recognize you needed.  The emo-ness was probably a worse affliction than my lack of trust. Yeah I would hug and air kiss the world, but for me to actually convey how I truly felt to someone [beyond dating relationships] was like pulling teeth and truly it was so difficult for me ..it exhausted me.  In growing as a person, an adult, a woman, I learned that to convey your emotions is not synonymous with wearing your heart on your sleeve.  As I became more secure in my emotions I felt less like I was putting people in a position to take advantage of me and more like I was putting myself in a position to receive more love, care and affection.    Once upon saying "I LOVE YOU" seemed worse than cursing to me. Now, it flows with ease.  Thats because of my friends.  I have friends that I am still tight with from Girl Scouts, high school, college-if I cant let these people know I appreciate them then who can I let know?!?!?! So if you did not already know it... FRIENDS.. I LOVE YOU..WHOLE HEARTEDLY AND UNCONDITIONALLY!

My family life has been ... the ultimate case of ebb and flow.  2 months before I turned 20 I lost the man in my family who was my world-my uncle John "Goody" Goodwin, Jr.  It was hard and I hurt everyday ... because I miss him so very much! That was just the tip of the iceberg for me, from both sides of my family, friends, people who I knew from work I probably lost easily 30 people in this last decade... literally from new borns to elderly people.  The hardest lost after my uncle was by far my grandmother. She died before my last year of grad school. Words cant convey my hurt..honestly... if I go into it I probably wont get through this letter. What I learned from every passing and every birth and every good time and bad time was that I am a very strong woman.  I have to say at times I surprise myself at my ability to rise to the occasion. It has also reaffirmed how important family is--you can not expect everything to be roses always, thats just not reasonable but you can appreciate how much they bring to your life and vice versa.  Don't be a leech because its your family!!! Do not drain them of love and tangibles just because you know they will do for you... EVERY relationship-family included needs to be 50-50.  I learned to let alot of stuff go that I can not change and that at this point in my life has no bearings on my success or prosperity. 

Sheesh, leaving you, 20-we had some rocking times... stamp collecting and partying-omg I turnt it way up on the Earth.. yes the Earth.. cloud hopping like I had an unlimited metro for the airport. I have seen so much of the world and I havent even made a dent in the globe yet...so trust I plan to only step it up for this next phase of my life.  I did something different these last few months which is not travel so much-i dont know why-but I do know...thats not me. I am a nomad by nature. I love the world and want to see it. I do not like to be stationary-I'm not a fixture.  So I'm definitely warming up the luggage!  I did something else very necessary this last year of 20-I took me time. No dating and a self vow of celibacy.  I really needed to focus on me. So much about me was changing before my eyes and I felt like I was losing who I was, when really I was simply evolving.  I felt it best to evolve alone.  Don't get me wrong... .Tee still loves the shawties....lol... but I see relationships fail all the time because 2 incomplete try to complete each other - and thats not what I want.  I want to go into a relationship complete and meet someone who is also complete so that we can COMPLEMENT each other not SUPPLEMENT each other.  It really makes a difference.  Furthermore, I just was beyond the bs--truth be told, am I ready to get married-NO... IM REALLY NOT... but do i have the energy, time nor inclination for the heavy rotation --NOT THAT INTERESTED ANYMORE.  Yea I know I relapse from time to time... Good looking men are a weakness -sue me im human! lol.. but honestly I have very specific places where my energy need to be and so with that - I learned alot about me that is going to make my next relationship a better relationship overall.

Im finally in law school, pursuing my dream and as much as I hate school-I could not be happier. I should be studying right now-Evidence final tomorrow on my damn birthday...guess we gonna kick 30 off with a bang.lol. I love the law-its everything I thought it was and more.  I have met some priceless people that I will definitely keep in my life here at law school.  Law school is the ultimate pledging experience I swear ... 3 years of hazing all so you can get those 3 letters ESQ! I am excited to finally be getting closer to what I have always wanted to do. When I was in elementary I always said I wanted to be a teacher or a lawyer... Well in my 20s I was a teacher [check] and now Im 1.5 years away from being a lawyer -IM AMPED!

Overall you my dear 20s have been fabulous to me.  ABSolutely a great ride.  It was everything your 20s should be- parties, dates, trips, gorgeous people, good people, fellowship, couple of sleezy moments and a handful of stories to tell your grandchildren. I am proud of myself.  I live a selfless life in a selfish way and for me mastering the art of doing that was the apex of this past decade.  You really cant help the poor if you're one of them, but you can't get to the top if you are not ABSolutely selfish with your time and energy-FOCUS IS A MUST.  In being able to focus and grind for what I want, I am putting myself in a position to do for my family! I promise you as much as I do this for me.. I do this for my family-especially for 15a!!! Even when I want to strangle them... I do this for them... Shayzo, Mack & Boogie! Everytime ... I lose focus, I focus on how I want to change things for them and I'm back even more focused than before.  When you do for others it gives you a different perspective and focus...but you have to live for you too..because that will keep you the most focused!!!!!

Well I really must get back to studying.... but I didnt want us to part ways 20 without me saying my final farewell... You have taught me so much and I am eternally grateful to you!! I will carrying you with me always.  I am excited to meet 30 -- I know life is really just getting started because now I can enjoy my life as always with enough wisdom to make a lot less mistakes.

Bittersweet Goodbye,
Snobby Gyrl