This post was inspired by the convo between Kat Stacks & Nelly on VIP Saturdays w/ DJ Self & Kimmi Cupcakes. If you haven't heard it and have about 10 minutes of your life to spare to hear some coonerific ish ...then give it a listen! Courtesy of Kimmi Cupcakes

Okay, now that you are up to speed with this coonery, I shall continue. Females, because I am not so incline to throw the terms ladies or women around, so FEMALES, if you are going to be smut, please get the basics down.  Now I am in no way shape or form telling any female TO BE A SMUT, however some of you have made a conscious decision to be a smut, in which case, hey its a free country! So, if you are going to be a smut you need to be smart about your smutiness, especially if you are going to be an "auntro-po-hoe" about the situation.  If you are going to try and turn a used condom into 15¢ and 15 minutes of fame, you should grab your pen and pad now.  I may not be a smut, but I have multiple business degrees -- let me help you with a few free pointers.

5 Quickies for Quickies [LOL]

  1. Take Notes 
  2.  Sex Tape
  3. Speech Coach 
  4. Co - Author
  5. Aah - Haa 
1. Take Notes.  Kat Stacks really got aired out because she didn't know anything or couldn't remember anything [depending on who's story you believe], either way had she taken some clutch notes, she would have been able to avoid sounding like an idiot.  Okay, she can never avoid sounding like an idiot, but at least she wouldn't have sounded like a liar. If you want to sell a book about your smutcapades with celebrities then you need to come across as someone who is telling the truth.  Superhead's book made major waves because at any given time you could ask her about one of her encounters and she had her facts down, like she had her back down! No one wants to buy a book of lies. Besides there is already a venue for uncorroborated celebrity gossip, they're called tabloids.  So if the best you can do is what Kat Stacks just pulled out of her hat during this interview, then just try and sell your story to the Star or Enquirer.  So remember, taking notes will take you a long way, because it will build up your smutty credibility [for book sales that is, no one will want to smut around with you anymore after they find out you are taking cliff notes about the smutcapades].

2. Sex Tapes.  Okay maybe you can not write-for whatever reason [dyslexia, hand busy with a cock, whatever your situation is], there is another option for you-make a video.  Sex tapes have propelled many careers.  Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton and even given rebirth to other's career like Pam Anderson. The sex tape is gold!!! You are an instant star with the sex tape - good or bad!!! I will caution you to not make an R. Kelly sex tape, stick to the 21 and over folk!  However, the sex tape has been time tested and bank account approved.  You pretend you didn't leak the tape yourself, you sue the distributor, settle for an undisclosed amount, work the tabloid circuit, then the radio circuit, and hopefully you'll make it to the talk show circuit-where you spend all your time explaining that you were in love and you had no idea this would get out, and how you really just want to be a better role model to young women everywhere.  Then you don't have to worry about remembering what hotel on Collins you were in, because you can just roll tape!

3. Speech Coach.  Once you begin to air these people out the media is going to want your story. Do not embarrass yourself.  The inability to articulate your smutiness can and will hurt your credibility, especially if you do not have a sex tape. You want to sound like an Auntro-Po-Hoe! Spend some of your smut money on hiring a speech coach.  It may sound trivial but it will take you a long way.  You will get better interviews, if there is a belief that you can carry on a conversation about your smutiness.  Better interviews means exposing yourself to a larger audience, in turn a bigger market.

4. Co-Author.  If you struggled with the notes, lets keep it real, yo ass can not write a book! However, you grew up with someone who is intelligent, did well in school, etc. - Holla at that person.  Especially in the event that you are going to be shopping the book [meaning publishers are not coming to you, you are going to them]. You want to have your smutcapades as polished as you can have them. I mean you can even go so far as to hire a free lance editor, but definitely get yourself a co-author. No one wants to read babble.  Most people write the way they speak.  Now Kat Stacks clearly can not speak nor articulate a complete thought, without that annoying laugh or just out right effing up her own story.  So under no circumstances do I want to read something, that will read like that conversation.  However, when you link up with a co-author, now your smutiness has fluidity and marketability.

5. Aah-Haa.  This is the boomkat.  The no disputing this ish happened, that will push you over the edge with all media outlets and your book will make moves.  You need to get details that we can't get from a photo shoot, interview, or MTV cribs. It has to be something so private that the only way you would know is to have been apart of his private life in one way or another.  Secret rooms, special brand of condoms [due to allergies or some ish], moles, birth marks, I mean really go all out like a prom night to identify the boomkat.  Once you have identified it, you keep that as your ace in a hole for a moment such as this interview, so when a mofo try to back you in a corner, you hit him with the boomkat ... and then your Eddie Murphy from Coming To America as the old white dude voice .."Aah-Haa.... Aaa-Haa"! Then when they have no further rebuttal..consider your book a best seller, because it will likely go flying off the shelves.

Male smuts, I do not know if all of these will be as helpful to you, as women tend to be alot smarter when they are the "dominant" figure engaging in smuttery, but hey if you feeling lucky - go for it!!!

I am sure that is not the last of Kat Stacks getting aired out, so I look forward to who else comes out the wood works and ODs on her! But as for you Auntro-po-hoes best of luck in your smutty endeavors.

xoxo
SnobbyGyrl